Yes man and NO man

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Yes, even Ihave standards.

And over the weekend I came to love that wonderful BLACKLIST feature on my phone, and discovered how much happier a person it could make me. Especially after meeting a guy that was nothing like I thought he was going to be.

We shall call him Mr. Unibrow. Ok, he didn’t really have a unibrow – that would include connection in the middle of the forehead. His eyebrows were just out of control like a beast in a bush and almost connected in the middle.

His picture looked cute online. He looked like a guy who could be your best friend. He was friendly via text, eager to meet (who wasn’t for free sex, though?), and I thought I would give him a chance. It was Saturday night and I resolved to go out since Highway Guy hadn’t called to hang out…which was a shame, but hey–onwards and upwards, right?

So I called Mr. Unibrow to come and join me, just to see what he was like and decide if he was someone I wanted to see a little more of. Well, he met me at a nice bar, and when he came and sat down next to me, even the cute older-man bartender kind of looked at me like….really? Your’e with THIS guy? Unfortunately, for the night, yes…my eyes glazed back at him. I already would rather take that cute bartender home than THIS guy.

I had already ordered a chardonnay when he showed up. He ordered the same and the bartender asked if he should put everything on the same tab. “Yes!” Mr. Unibrow quickly replies.

We talked and finished our wine. It was a little too fancy a place for the kind of night I wanted to have, so the starstruck caveman-browed  puppy and I decided to leave.

“Do you want to put this on the card?” The bartender asked.

“Yes!” Mr. Unibrow replied swiftly, once more. Apparently, the dumbass didn’t realize that I had given the bartender my card to open the tab in the first place. I mean, come on, have you never been to a bar before??? The bartender whipped out my card and ran it through the till while Mr. Unibrow was catching up in his mind about what just happened. He had pulled out his wallet and fumbled nervously, watching and realizing what he had just done.

Oh well, it was only $8, I thought to myself. And, I’m not taking THIS dumbass home.

Well, we headed down the road to a sports bar, and had dinner and a pitcher of beer. Which, by the way, I made sure the dumbass paid for. The food was good, the service sucked, and the company was even worse. At one point he got up to use the restroom, and I pondered walking out the front door.

I have a hard time being mean to people, but I certainly wasn’t going to fuck this guy because I felt sorry for him. It’s my body, and therefore my rules. But I wanted OUT. This guy was a major buzzkill, and I had wasted half of the night in his company, when I could have been at a bar down the street, chatting with a sexy stranger instead.

At one point, he sneezed in the middle of his dinner like it had taken him by surprise, and I tried my best not to wretch or laugh. As he was in the restroom, I asked the waitress to please bring the check so I could get out of this awful date. And that was the fastest service I received all night. Apparently she even wondered what the fuck we were doing there. I mean, half of the time we didn’t even talk….we ate our food and I ignored him by watching the sports game on the giant television….and I don’t even like sports.

Well, as we were walking back towards the car, he suggested going into another bar.

“Oh, no, I just adopted a new dog and I’m afraid to leave him home alone too long,” I lied.

He accompanied me to my car, hugged me, and I lied how it was nice to meet him. I got into my car, wanting nothing more than to get right back out, walk down the street, and take 3 shots at the closest watering hole.

But, I thought maybe he would see that if I did, since he was parked in the same lot as me, so I reasoned that I should at least pull around the block. And, as I turned the corner in the lot, there he was in his car…..WATCHING ME. He was probably watching to see if I was going to leave! So, I waved and raced out of there like a bat out of hell, driving down pointless routes and spending more time looking nervously in my rearview than my windshield just to make sure he wasn’t following me.

“I’m home safe” He texted. “It’s so warm here at my house”

Like I WANT to be anywhere warm with you!? UGH!!!!

BLACKLIST. And, all my troubles are suddenly gone. Why haven’t I used this feature before? I wondered. This would certainly be a helpful tool for Mr. Blue Eyes, who still hasn’t left me alone since I dumped him. His last text was actually kind of funny. He’s moved onto being really mad at me. I guess that means he’s reached the next stage of healing.

Well, I ended up turning around after my zigzag driving evasion of Mr. Unibrow. I still wanted to drink and have a good time. To be honest, I’d blown off a couple of guys that night. One was a nice guy, but he seemed like he was going to be just as clingy as Mr. Blue Eyes. The other guy I blew off was a new guy, who I will call The Surfer. And, he looked hot. But he was really anxious to just meet me and fuck, and I’m still looking for a guy who wants more than a one time thing and wants to be a good friend of mine, too. I didn’t see this being the case with The Surfer.

After doing a bit of bar hopping, joining up with a random bachelorette party (good luck lady….let me know how that marriage thing works out for you…) for a while, and then, dismayed at the selection of men in the only bar that didn’t have a long line weaving out of the front door, I decided maybe I would just meet up with The Surfer.

Turns out he lives like a half an hour down the coast….but only a few hundred feet from the beach. He lived in a really dumpy place, but as I found out, comes from a wealthy family. He was smoking hot and was an Army/National Guard reservist. He had to go to drill the next day, so he hadn’t wanted to go out and get too crazy because of that…he excused when I confronted him about not meeting up with me on the town. Oh well, I thought. I was there for sex and the company of a hot guy, so who gives a fuck anymore, anyways.

We spent a few hours talking and watching 90s movies on tv, the both of us drifting in and out of sleep. I was tired. And, it was pretty late. But then we both managed to wake up enough for some hot sex.

And this guy was HUGE. I was a little afraid of it at first. I told him he should be careful with it as he might hurt me. I laughed when he started questioning me about how it compared with other guys I had been with. Like I get out a fucking ruler when I’m about to get it on with dudes!?

This guy was up there, though. Definitely in the top 5.

It fit nicely though, and he commented on that to me, as well. I enjoy sex with pretty much all different kinds of men….except maybe if you have a super big belly like The Ex did or if you have a really small penis. That is hard to enjoy as much. But, I’ll pretty much take a spin and find something I like about any male body type. The Surfer was athletic. Trim, for sure, but not super skinny.

And his dog tags hung down over me and I held them in my teeth while he grinded into me. I could tell he was really getting off on that. Eventually he flipped me over, and had me from behind, my legs closed. This is one of my favorite positions, but you have to be pretty lengthy to stay in all the way in this position. And, I like to surprise my guys by pushing (like I’m humping the bed) while they are in me like that. It fucking drives them mental.

Well, he came eventually. The Surfer is pretty much every guy that I saw in college. Selfish, a little bit dominant, and only concerned about his pleasure. He didn’t eat me out. And he didn’t see me to orgasm. He did have me stay the night, and in the morning we repeated before I hopped in my car and left. He didn’t kiss me either. I planted one on him when I went to leave, and it was awkward – as it should have been. I kind of like that he kept the kissing out of the fucking – because I don’t think it has a place there, anyways. I’ve said before that kissing carries meaning…and doesn’t therefore belong in a meaningless fuck. We just throw it in there sometimes because we feel like we should.

He was hot…and the sex was decent, but I think the best thing about that experience was the drive home. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way – I actually stopped at the beach on the way back. I hadn’t seen this part of the coast before, so I did a little beachcombing there. It’s one of my favorite things to do, and I found quite a few intact shells that I had been searching for at the local beaches, but couldn’t find whole. It seems that a super cold day in March was the best day to go looking for shells. I also saw a lot of wildlife and some whales spraying off the coastline. A rare sight, indeed.

Personal photo 🙂

It was a beautiful morning, I wasn’t hungover, and I’d seen and gotten a few things I’d been searching for. There was no one on the beach and I found something inside me in the solitude and beauty that was there. I thought to myself if this were me, stranded on an island by myself, I’d pretty much be ok with that. I’d probably want my dog so I wasn’t totally alone…and it would suck not having modern conveniences, but I think I could do it. I have no problem amusing myself, and I always feel a peace knowing that God is always with me, no matter how alone I may seem.

I don’t want to be single all of my life. Eventually I want to end all of this madness and be a normal person once again. Maybe all of this is part of my personal healing process…and I know that it’s therapeutic for my self-esteem. Knowing that so many guys are after me makes me feel sexy. And I kind of like the buffet. I like the variety. And, it gives me something to compare to when I am ready to find a dish that I’m ready to eat for the rest of my life.

Testing the water

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I LOVE vintage pin up art. Please visit this site to see some awesome artwork. Elvgren is my favorite.

I’ve often pondered why “Mr. Nice Guy” always eluded me. Then one day I realized it was because whenever I found him, he turned me off. It’s like the nicer you are to me, the more I find you unattractive. And for NO REASON. As a matter of fact, this is the opposite of logic. Why would I push away the kind of guy that I ultimately want to end up with?

Well, as I said, I recognized the “Mr. Nice Guy” in Mr. Blue Eyes. So I thought I’d catch you up on what has happened in the last week, and some of my reflection on all of it.

Tuesday night I met him after work for a stroll down the riverwalk. It was gorgeous. The city lights reflected off the water, there we beautiful, colorfully lit fountains, and the sky was clear. He took me for Starbuck’s, and, drinks in hand, we walked the boardwalk along the river. We talked, and talked, and talked. Eventually, we stopped and sat down on the river’s edge, feet dangling over the water. We laughed and talked about past relationships, our goals and desires, and he threw an arm around and drew me next to him when I mentioned I was chilly from the breeze. Well, we stayed out there until probably 1 in the morning. More late nights! We even saw a pod of dolphins jumping out of the water, their shapes lit by moonlight and the city lights reflecting off of the water. C’mon….how much more romantic does it get than this?

Well, we eventually headed back to my car, where we were content to talk for almost another hour. We watched a few other couples come and go….it seemed the riverwalk was a popular place for lovers.

And….drumroll, please….he kissed me.

I went to say goodbye and as I leaned in to give a hug….wait a minute. Did he kiss me, or did I kiss him? First kisses are always awkward. You wonder if you should go for it – if the other party is feeling it, too. I’m not sure. It may have been me. But, we kissed. And he kissed very softly. A little softer than I had wished, but hey…it was the first one. A few others followed.

We said our goodbyes and I headed back home. He texted me later and told me he couldn’t stop smiling the whole walk back to his car. I then asked him if he did a little dance in his car when he thought no one was looking, and he pretty much confessed to it. Hehe….I like having this kind of power over a man.

We had made plans that night to see each other AGAIN. So Wednesday night, he took me out to dinner, and couldn’t hardly wait for me to get out of my car before he planted one on me in the parking lot. Overzealous! It was a nice dinner, and I actually got to bed at a decent hour.

Then comes Thursday.

Valentine’s Day.

And there is nothing more confusing than Valentine’s Day when you are kinda dating someone, but it isn’t serious. But there is something about the day that I think makes people a little more hopeless romantic than any other time of the year. It’s ok to be smushy and put yourself out there on V-day. It’s also a day that a lot of people are grouchy and bitter! I’ve been both. And ironically, a lot of the bitterness comes from V-days that I had while in a relationship.

I thought of myself as that little kid in the galoshes in the movie The Polar Express. “Christmas Valentine’s Day just doesn’t work out for me.”

Being single on this day does kinda suck. But I’ve also gone to singles’ parties, out with girlfriends, or just said, fuck the world, and had a fine time staying in by myself. I have really had only ONE V-day that was really good. But now it is tainted because even though The Italian made that day wonderful for me, the next one he screwed up and then he cheated on me later, so it makes the memory a little jaded.

And one year ago, on V-day, The Ex proposed to me. And this thought was in my mind on this day this year. I remembered back how it had happened. And even that day was crappy! It wasn’t perfect! Neither was the ring or the proposal. I ended that day happy, but earlier in the day I had cried and drove off, upset about the way I had been treated. I remembered looking at the ring, and not knowing whether or not I should say yes. I mean, come ON! If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, shouldn’t you be sure? I loved him, yes, but those little whispers screaming “No!!” are something I should have taken heed of. But how exactly do you turn down a man asking you to marry him? That’s a very delicate situation. I had a million other chances to call off the marriage before it ever happened. But I trudged on and now I wish I had just done something differently instead of being such a persevering, hopeless romantic.

Nevertheless, what happened, happened.

So now, I have a fresh start. I had to work V-day this year, and so did Mr. Blue Eyes. He had arranged to come over after he got off of work, which wasn’t going to be until late…10pm or so, but I didn’t work until late the next day, so it was fine by me. I spent my day at work thinking about him every now and again, and to my surprise, that afternoon, he delivered a rose to me at work.

Now, I don’t look glamorous at work because of the business that I am in, and I had told him not to come see me at work because of this reason. He protested that, makeup or not, he thought I was hot stuff and that regardless of my work apparel, he would find me sexy. I still insisted. So, he gave the rose to a coworker to give to me, so he would be obeying my rule and still giving me something sweet to show off in front of my coworkers.

I’ll be honest. I was hoping he would do this. And he did!

When I stop to think that I had only met the man a short 4 days before, I realize what a big deal this flower is. Well, I was pretty happy. And I stopped at the store to pick up a few things before he headed over later that night, and pondered over whether I should give him something in return. After all, it’s only been a few days. It’s not serious, despite the fact that I can see he is totally smitten with me. I didn’t want to go overboard. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups it was. I would tie a cute ribbon on it and present it to him when he came over. I hope he likes Reese’s…I then thought to myself….and the fact that I didn’t know him very well was rearing its ugly head.

Well, the Reese’s turned out to be a good choice. *thank you very much*. And, he was delighted, as he said, that I even made an effort to be sweet to him on V-day. He showed up at my door that night with half a dozen MORE roses.

My V-day haul

Well, it was pretty late. And I was pretty tired. Happy, but tired. We pretty much both were exhausted. So we laid on the bed and talked and slowly moved closer together. And we cuddled, finally. And Mr. Blue Eyes may be the best cuddler I’ve ever had the pleasure of cuddling with.

He did the funniest thing. He mentioned something about how he never stays out at night. And the whole time I just KNEW he was fishing to see if I was going to let him stay over. Well, I ignored his bait and just kept on talking as if what he mentioned carried no ulterior motive. Then, later, as I was starting to drift off to sleep, he said he could go since I was falling asleep, and I told him that he could stay. And we cuddled some more.

He caressed me and massaged my achy muscles. He covered up the little bit of cleavage that was pushing its way out of my cami with the covers, even. That was something else. I said something to him about it, and he said he was just trying to be a gentleman. 🙂 He really is trying.

Well, all we did was cuddle. Nothing inappropriate happened, and I didn’t want it to. I may be a little horndog when I want an fwb, but with someone I am interested in having a relationship with, I’m something of a prude. For a little while, anyways. 😉 This may come as a surprise to you. But, I learned the hard way in college that you don’t just jump into bed with someone you want to catch for more than a night….and so it’s a strict rule of mine not to sleep with someone I like right away. I make them wait. And it’s kinda fun to do that, too.

I had brought up something to him about his kissing. And in retrospect, I think I may have inadvertently hurt his feelings in doing so. He told me I was a good kisser, and I had told him we kissed differently. You see, he kept kissing me with these soft kisses….like he was afraid he was going to break my lips. He responded that he wanted his kisses to be sweet at first because he wasn’t sure if I would like more aggressive kissing…

“…like this…” he said, taking my head gently into his hands and pulling me in for a kiss that suited me much better. I made sure to tell him that I liked that kind better. And he spent V-day night practicing them on me.

We slept in and finally said adieu and parted for work. He knew I worked a closing shift followed by an opening shift, so he wouldn’t be seeing me again until tonight, Saturday. But he did send me a 1 am text about how he wanted to be with me really bad that night. I’m guessing he really missed my cuddles, though I could have interpreted that text as he really wanted to BE with me.

For now I’m standing my ground. He knows I’m not through with my divorce and I’m a slow mover at this point. I even went so far as to apologize to him for being so shy. I made sure to clarify that my personality wasn’t the shy part…but more that I was hesitant to get attached or take steps that would deepen the relationship. He understood completely.

I have mixed feelings about all of this. The cuddling and someone to talk to and be nice to me is awesome. I feel so totally spoiled by this man. He has plans to spoil me and treat me like a princess all the time. He is a nice guy. And somehow he managed to get through relationships without them turning him into an asshole like most of the other men on the planet. I’m learning how to deal with him. Because there is that part of me that has always been there that sees “Mr. Nice Guy” and runs the other way. It’s almost like when I see someone who reaally really likes me and wants to be with me as….I don’t know….desperate or something. And that may be a reflection of poor self esteem! Or maybe women also kind of like the thrill of the chase, too! Maybe we like the feeling that we convinced someone to like us that maybe didn’t at first. Or that all that aloof asshole behavior is just something we want to overcome. Who knows. I can’t even explain it, and I do it myself!

But I am genuinely trying not to let those typical feelings run the roost this time. I know this man is good for me, and that he is what I need. I’m just going to move slowly and let the feelings develop at the pace they will.

I like him.

And that is all I am comfortable saying anytime soon. But I like spending time with him. Heck, I’ve spent almost all of my free time this week with him. Tomorrow he is joining me for church (shocker there….who does that? But it should be a testament to the way I want this relationship to be different from all the other failed ones I have had before) and then who knows what after that. He will be here shortly to cuddle and stay the night. I don’t plan on being up too late because I am totally bushwhacked from little sleep and lots of hard work today.

Until my next blog, here’s wishing you lots of cuddles and the ability to recognize all those “Mr. Nice Guy”s out there that you yourself might be pushing away illogically.

I feel like I’m doing something unorthodox here. But who doesn’t want to be totally adored all their life by the person they are with? Because “Mr. Nice Guy” is on your doorstep begging to do just that.